Saturday, 2 August 2008

The Scorpions, Humanity: Hour I

The Scorpions, Humanity: Hour I
Sony BMG

Ha ha. Heh. The Scorpions have landed on my desk. I didn’t realise they were still around. HA, hahaha. Brace yourself. It’s a concept album – about a war between humans and robots. That one never dies, despite the fact that the closest we’ve ever got to proper robots is a washing machine that starts when you phone it up from work. Also, it’s called Humanity: Hour I, which begs to be read aloud in that voice that does all the movie trailers. After searching for a while I can’t actually confirm this, but I will make an educated guess and presume that Humanity: Hour 2 cannot be far behind. Didn’t we learn after Guns N’ Roses? Didn’t we all agree that two part albums are absolutely always wrong? But seriously, don’t mock it – this record is at Number 2 in Greece.

Okay alright, let’s take this a little more seriously. The Scorpions, to fill you in, are a classic metal band from Germany. Their first album, Lonesome Crow, came out in 1972 and they have sold unbelievable amounts of records. Zillions of records. I am quite sure they don’t give a toss about whether concept albums are cool, and Axl Rose is a mere whippersnapper compared to their true Rock Dinosaur status anyway. And you know what? I like it. It is so far removed from anything you will ever hear on the radio, so far from the youth-obsessed music press, Kate Nash and Jamie T, that it stands on its own as a bombastic spectacle and a demonstration of everything that’s great about heavy metal. It has integrity. It has immense guitar solos. It has swagger, drama, and absurd lyrics: ‘At the end of the day, you're a needle in the hay/ You signed and sealed it, now you gotta deal with it/ Humanity, goodbye’. My favourite track? ‘Love Is War’ and ‘Love Will Keep Us Alive’ both get my vote, but are just pipped by ‘You’re Lovin’ Me To Death’. For those about to rock…


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