The Scorpions, Humanity: Hour I

The Scorpions, Humanity: Hour I
Sony BMG

Ha ha. Heh. The Scorpions have landed on my desk. I didn’t realise they were still around. HA, hahaha. Brace yourself. It’s a concept album – about a war between humans and robots. That one never dies, despite the fact that the closest we’ve ever got to proper robots is a washing machine that starts when you phone it up from work. Also, it’s called Humanity: Hour I, which begs to be read aloud in that voice that does all the movie trailers. After searching for a while I can’t actually confirm this, but I will make an educated guess and presume that Humanity: Hour 2 cannot be far behind. Didn’t we learn after Guns N’ Roses? Didn’t we all agree that two part albums are absolutely always wrong? But seriously, don’t mock it – this record is at Number 2 in Greece.

Okay alright, let’s take this a little more seriously. The Scorpions, to fill you in, are a classic metal band from Germany. Their first album, Lonesome Crow, came out in 1972 and they have sold unbelievable amounts of records. Zillions of records. I am quite sure they don’t give a toss about whether concept albums are cool, and Axl Rose is a mere whippersnapper compared to their true Rock Dinosaur status anyway. And you know what? I like it. It is so far removed from anything you will ever hear on the radio, so far from the youth-obsessed music press, Kate Nash and Jamie T, that it stands on its own as a bombastic spectacle and a demonstration of everything that’s great about heavy metal. It has integrity. It has immense guitar solos. It has swagger, drama, and absurd lyrics: ‘At the end of the day, you're a needle in the hay/ You signed and sealed it, now you gotta deal with it/ Humanity, goodbye’. My favourite track? ‘Love Is War’ and ‘Love Will Keep Us Alive’ both get my vote, but are just pipped by ‘You’re Lovin’ Me To Death’. For those about to rock…

03/08/2007